We are at the Mercy of the Feebleminded

Maybe it’s a Clue to Why People Vote the Way They Do.

So there I was at JC Penney’s, buying another Formal Sweat Suit for my collection, when I encountered a zombie at the checkout counter. It was hard to tell at first, but there is no other explanation for the following transaction.

Zombie: That will be $76.01.

Me: (Hands over four twenties and a penny, not wishing to get 99 cents in change)

Zombie: (Takes money and turns to her cash register. beep-beep ka-ching) $3.93 is your change.

Me: $3.93? I thought you said the total was $76.01.

Zombie: No. It was $76.08. Next.

That’s right. No “Oops, you must have mis-heard me; the total is $76.08.” Not even a funny look. She just took the penny and rang it up like people hand her random coins all the time, maybe to give the cash register calculator a workout.

I walked away slowly, so as not to look too delicious, as I realized that my brain, being one of the more active ones in the mall, must be a highly prized treat to such a creature.

I suppose it must be mind-numbing to work the register at the Penney’s store at Westfield Shoppingtown Vancouver (its honest-to-God name), but holy cripes. That’s like only using the brain part that keeps you breathing and releasing unwanted gas buildup.

So keep an eye out. And don’t leave your brain unattended.