Don't Look To Me For Advice

...because my advice generally goes like this:

• If you want some motivation, listen to "Do Your Thing" by Basement Jaxx.
• Sorry. I don't know how you motivate yourself to find your iPod, put the bud thingies in your ears and turn it on. Or buy that song. It's on the Rooty CD, if you were wondering.
• If you want your dogs to go outside, sprinkle some cat food on the patio.
• I don't have any problem getting them to come in, so I have no advice for that.
• If you want to get more done today, drink more caffeine. No, more than that.
• If you want to read books for free, go to the library. My check-outs this week: something from Kingley Amis, Martin Amis, and Tim Dorsey (I was in a caffeine-induced hurry and A-D is closest, although you need no excuse to read Tim Dorsey).
• If you want to watch some good TV, stay up late or get a DVR and watch The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and The Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Conan O'Brien is good, but Craig Ferguson's monologues kick Scottish ass.
• Finish what you started. It's what my mom always said, so its probably a good idea.
• Mom, am I finished with this? 'Cause I want to go watch TV...