Summertime and the Livin is Easy, Part 2

Now with 50% fewer commas!

My backyard is being overtaken by vines. It's a common problem here in the PNW. Leave an old car in a field and by next year the blackberries will have swallowed it and spit out the tires (too chewy). This works with old gardening equipment, houses, and the elderly if they don't move fast enough.

In my back yard it's wisteria vines, which fight my urge to trim them by shooting out blossoms that are just so ridiculously purply and sweet-smelling that I give them a little space to grow. However, they are starting to look aggressive and scary so I may have to go out there with a machete and a crucifix and beat them back.

My kitchen is being overtaken by fruit. There are blueberries from the bushes out back, blackberries from the farmer's market, and plums from a friend's tree. Not even a close friend - just someone trying to get rid of the wheelbarrows full of plums that plum trees dump in your yard, if you are unlucky enough to have one (or dumb enough to plant one). If you don't pawn them off on your friends and neighbors, your yard ends up ankle deep in plum goo all winter.

Summer fruit popping up out of nowhere must be nature's way of keeping humanity alive in spite of being mostly stupid and, if America's Funniest Home Videos is to believed, prone to stunts that end in testicular damage.