Diversionary Tactics

The country's going to hell. Everybody's credit card is maxed out and Christmas (in the shape of Bad Santa) is leering at us from around the corner. Pakistan is this close to freaking out. Bush has messed up Iraq so bad that Iran is leering at HIM from around the corner. Bush's itchy trigger finger is back. Your ARM has just blown up. Some poor soldier's arm has probably just blown up somewhere. What to do?

List stuff!

How about favorite movies?

• Monty Python's Holy Grail
• Spinal Tap
• Princess Bride
• Animal House
• Some Like it Hot
• Ace Venture Pet Detective (really)
• The Austin Powers trilogy (Scotty don't!)
• Anchorman
• Amadeus (I need this on DVD)
• Edward Scissorhands
• The first Fletch movie (the book was better)
  

I like:

• Johnny Depp
  
• Peter O'Toole (what's he doing in this list?)
  
• Dana Carvey (watch his concert (word?) performances)
  
• Robin Williams (watch his early performance shows when he was probably completely fueled by powdered substances - his brain is moving so fast you can practically watch the synapses melt)
  
• Hugh Laurie (watch the entire Blackadder series from BBC. I mean it.)
• Christopher Guest movies
• The first five years of Saturday Night Live (um, not that I'm that old, I just hear it's cool to like stuff that's before your time, ditto for the next item, and, um, not that I remember the days when the high school had actual ditto machines and not copy machines), and
  
• The Original Bob Newhart Show (More goo to go!)

The Best Bad Movies

• The first Terminator. Sweet, sweet eighties. And a naked, garbling Ahnold. Gold.
• Bram Stoker's Dracula. The one with Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker. Bloody worst English accent ever. Absolutely appalling. Anthony Hopkins overacting. Weird beastiality scenes. Gary Oldman using a blood-dripping Transylvanian accent. Who knows if it's authentic? It's like caramel in your ears. Totally, satisfyingly over the top. Let's all plan on watching it next Halloween at our house.

There. Thinking about Bram Stoker's Dracula always makes me feel better.

The cheeldren off the niyeet. HHHHHwhat beeeoootifool mussich they mayik...