- First-run movies. After $40 of tickets and treats, something tall will sit directly in front of you and someone dickish will sit behind you and talk to his buddy about baseball. And if you can avoid the dick, you will get the old couple, one of which will narrate the story to the one who either can't hear or can't comprehend. Then, twenty minutes in, after drinking your $4 soda, you will have to go to the bathroom. You will hold it for 20 more minutes, but then realizing you have lost the plot because you are just trying new seat positions in a vain attempt to stop the urgency pain, you surrender and squeeze past a line of annoyed knees to use the restroom and come back to realize that you have missed a substantial part of the movie and you will have to Netflix it anyway.
- Really expensive wines. Some cheap wines are awful. Some cheap wines are delish. Some expensive wines are awful. Some expensive wines are really good. But you're still out $30 grocery store money or $80 restaurant money. Find a good cheap wine.
- Gym memberships. For 90% of us, we don't need or use the free weights or rubberized mats. Take a month's dues and buy a pair of running or walking shoes and a windbreaker, and go outside. Get yourself some dumbbells or home gym and use them once a month when you overeat, and you've got as much out of them as you did out of your old gym membership. (Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you. Buy a bike. Whatevs.)
What am I forgetting, Fellow Patriots?
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2 comments:
Gasoline. Because driving makes people crazy, and riding makes people healthy. Plus, the Big Oil is the Man. Damn the Man
Cable Television. There is nothing on. Trust me. The only things worth watching are easy to find on the internet.
Expensive cat food. She will be unhappy either way.
California. Biggest ripoff ever.
Oh, come now. California, with all thy faults I love thee still. (But I was born here...)
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