So Tired. Of Kids.

Her name is Annie. Yes, you can pet her. No, she doesn't want you to squeeze her nose. She likes it better if you pet in this direction. She's a smooth collie. She's a girl. She's seven years old. No, she's not up for adoption, she's here to meet you. You can read a book to her if you like. Thanks for stopping by.

Her name is Annie. Yes, you can pet her. No, she doesn't want you to ride her. She likes it better if you pet in this direction. She's a smooth collie. She's a girl. She's seven years old. No, she's not up for adoption, she's here to meet you. You can read a book to her if you like. Okay. Thanks for stopping by.

Her name is Annie. Yes, you can pet her. No, she doesn't want you to put your hands in her mouth. She likes it better if you pet in this direction. She's a smooth collie. She's a girl. She's seven years old. No, she's not up for adoption, she's here to meet you. You can read a book to her if you like. Thanks for stopping by.

Her name is Annie. Yes, you can pet her. No, she doesn't like it when you pull her tail. She likes it better if you pet in this direction. She's a smooth collie. She's a girl. She's seven years old. No, she's not up for adoption, she's here to meet you. You can read a book to her if you like. Thanks for stopping by.

Annie did get tired of kids, but it took nearly the whole four hours. It took me less time.

No Big Whoop

Interviews are no big thing. Just a bunch of people sitting around judging you.

If they ask you what your biggest weakness is, you could tell them: basketball.

UPDATE: I have a better idea. Say your weakness is that you're bad at poker. Non-gamblers will assume you are a bad bluffer, thus an honest type. Gamblers will want you on the job so they can invite a fresh patsy to their Thursday night card game. Win-win.

TGIF, People

Notes on the week behind and the weekend ahead:

• Saturday: I was able to follow the spring opener of the Portland Timbers as it happened, because Dean was on hand to text me updates. Isn't he the cutest?
• Sunday: Painting day. A camera was hung in the tree next to the bear. It's a ting-tangle of a good idea because it forces you to make up a story about how it got there, but all in all, not my best work. When/if I decide it's done, I'll post it.
• Monday: I missed Dancing with the Stars. I hope Apolo did well.
• 24 is getting silly. er.
• I couldn't make it through Heroes. Too silly.
• Tuesday: I follow the teachings of doggy guru Cesar Millan. This means that my dogs walk to the park in a beeline, without stopping to sniff or dawdle. Cesar calls this "migrating mode," and its important for the dogs to learn so everybody gets their exercise without jerking me around. Once we get to the park, and I give them the "all clear," its sniffy-sniffy all you like. I went on a two-park circuit Tuesday morning. Annie didn't get around to pooing in the first park. So we are in "migrating mode," hoofing it to Park Number Two, and about twenty yards away, Annie's back starts to get that telltale hump, her tail goes up, and she's trying to hold it, but she can't, and she's walking all humped over, and finally poops right there. What, you can't make it another 20 yards? You lousy dog. Hilarious, but lousy.
• Drew's idea of a hootenanny of a birthday: a present involving having fun (usually involving two wheels), lasagna and cheesecake. That's it. This year he got two out of three. He got the lasagna and cheesecake, but his present involved me having fun (which often involves two feet). In other words, new hiking boots. But they're doozies. I'm hoping he will enjoy hiking more if his feet don't hurt so much.
• Thursday: before I went into work I stopped by the county building to pick up some 4-part carbonless forms that the county requires to be filled out with every deed recorded in the county. Yes. Four-part carbonless forms in this day and age of copiers and scanners. Bizarre. That wasn't very entertaining, was it? Welcome to my work world.
• Thursday evening I stopped in at the Humane Society to pick up some supplies for Annie's therapy-dog adventures on Saturday. They keep moving the offices around in there, like if they just put the desks in the right locations, the building will magically get bigger and less awful. Poor things. That building's the ugliest piece of crap, and they're so poor compared to the Portland Humane Society. Not fair. I would give them money if I had it.
• Friday: I score a Jonathan Lethem and an Ian Rankin at the library.
• Tomorrow: Annie and I go to the local Home & Garden Show, where the Humane Society of Southwest Washington will have a booth set up. Annie will be available for kids to read to her. It's some program where they allow kids to read to dogs, because dogs won't correct them or make fun of their poor reading skills. But I certainly will.
• See you there. Bring some Dr. Seuss.

It's April 25th!

Happy Birthday to Drew

Happy Birthday to Drew

Happy Birthday to Droooooooooo

Happy Birthday to Drew.

Public Service Announcement

Randy Neves joined the KGW (Channel 8 Portland) news team in 2000, at which time they took this publicity photo of him.



Since then, he has put in some serious hours in expanding his hipness quotient. Unfortunately, the KGW news team has neglected to update his publicity photo. So in the interest of public service, I did my best with the tools at my disposal (a printer/scanner, a pencil and ten minutes) to produce this updated photo.



You're welcome, Randy. And citizens of Portland.

More Music for the Discerning Ear

Admit it. You Want Mr. Spock.

Sir Gilbert-and-Sullivan-A-Lot

Found this through Boing Boing. Thank you, crazy people with too much time on your hands!

Ducks Are Altruistic

Curling!

Get Swept Up in the Fun!

Notes from a piglet on a Thursday

• This week it's sunny on Thursday and Friday. Only. The days that I have to work.


• Last week it was sunny on Thursday and Friday. Only. The days...well, you know.


• Listening to Mika. Very Freddy Mercury on the dance floor. Maybe with a little "Electric Company" and Carrot Top thrown in.


• Although no one should ever use the word "lollipop" in a song again, ever.


• That means you, Mika. If that is your real name.


• Scotty is waiting for me to finish so I can pay attention to him some more.

• 

Damn Bear Update

The bear survives, but most of his tree is gone. I'm not sure where to go from here. It will either be a major breakthrough, or a pathetic failure.

Stay tuned.

Or not.

To Save The Bear or To Paint Over the Bear and Cry, That's the Question

The bear on my easel is killing me. It's looking at me, daring me to make it look less like a middle school art project, but I don't know how.

I hate that damn bear.

Summing Up

Been away from the computer this week. I will start at the beginning. No. I will sum up.

• Guilty pleasure confession: Dancing with the Stars. Apolo Anton Ohno is on this season, and he's cute as a meerkat. I just wish I could shave that 90's soul patch off of him.


• Kurt Vonnegut. He had such a dark opinion of his fellow humans, but revealed it with such light-hearted, jaunty language and imaginative, off-beat stories that just made me feel all fuzzy that somebody like that could be alive on this planet. But now he's not. Bummer. (BTW, that sentence is a good indication of why nobody pays me for my writing.)


• Not-so-guilty pleasure confession: This American Life on Showtime. I like it, but not as much as the radio version. There, I said it.


• Okay, which household in America has this combination of tickets under its roof: Rush (whose website seems to be beset by bad weather), Chris Isaak, The Decemberists, and NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me? Why, ours, of course. Hey, I had nothing to do with the Rush tickets. In fact, Drew had to find a "boyfriend" to go with him. I suppose he could have looked for a girl to go with him, but girls hate Rush. Oh, and mostly everybody else. But I do like Chris Isaak. I know. Guilty pleasure category again. However, nobody should feel guilty about The Decemberists or Wait, Wait. Unless you're some kind of Smug Elitist Hater.


• Mom and Dad are trying to find a house to buy in Longview while living in Eugene. Not easy. Especially when you're looking for the perfect house. But who wants a non-perfect house? Nobody. So if you know of a perfect house in Longview, give us a jingle. I'll be glad to have them closer, and Drew will be glad not to have to drive the Grass Seed Corridor of Death in spring and summer (gesundheit).


• Poor Dean is drowning in retail hell this weekend. Pity him until his paycheck comes.


• I, personally, am barely keeping my head above water (or ink - ha!) in the heart of a paper storm at work. I see some blue sky ahead, and then another storm gathers on the horizon. The dull ache of job security. With any luck, I'll get to paint this weekend.


• Hey, check Dean's blog for a dead brilliant photo of one of his team mates.


• Cheers.

Happy NonseculEaster!

Enjoy it with your peeps.

You Must Watch.

Because I said so.

More Pictures to Look At

Since I spent today holed up in the right side of my brain, I no words got, so here are some pictures from our trip up the Gorge this weekend.

We sampled some local art.

This is Drew trying to look like his back, knees, ankles and feet don't hurt. Sissy.

This is a piglet enjoying a lovely 7-mile stroll (or Death March, if you ask Drew) along the Old Columbia River Highway. No cars. It's awesome.

Here is the view from our window at Skamania Lodge, where we stayed Sunday night (thanks, Boss!). The Sunday brunch there is one of those ones where you get to eat everything you would normally avoid, either because of cost or calories, then you eat more of it. Then you have dessert. Ridiculous. I'd do it again in a minute.