Yeah, I'm A Duck.

NOTICE: One of my favorite bloggers is an east coaster with a thing for the Red Sox. Or some socks. Whenever she starts blathering on about baseball, I skip down to the next post, because I am not a baseball fan. So if you are not a football fan, or a Duck, I won't feel bad if you just skip down to the next post. I can relate.

Today I watched the opening game of the Nike (tm) Brand Oregon Ducks 2006 football season.

It was a corker. They came out in all their fashionableness and spanked the Stanford Cardinal (Really. Don't call them Cardinals. They get all huffy. They are a color. Or one bird. Although their mascot seems to be a tree. Whatevs.)

The announcers said that something like 50 of Stanford's players have a grade point average of 3.0 or better. That's sweet, but they're bad at football.

The Oregon Ducks probably don't have such good grade point averages, but I bet they have longer rap sheets.

The Oregon defense is all up-in-your-face this year. Literally. Great football if you like yellow flags. I especially enjoyed the guy who all devil-may-carishly tackled a guy by happily yanking on his face mask until he crumpled to the ground.

Jonathan Stewart and (no kidding) Jeremiah Johnson (What, aren't you old enough to remember Jeremiah Johnson, the hairy, leather-covered mountain man? The MacGyver of the woods? What, you don't know who MacGyver is? Get out.) are two running backs who are going to be very fun to watch this year (if Stewart's girly ankles hold up).

And Keith Oldperson has retired! Whew! No more "boy howdys" or "cats pajamas" or whatever other bizarre old-personism he used to throw in for "color". Besides, he didn't love the Ducks enough.

I read in the paper today that Autzen Stadium now has a "jerk line," so if there's a loud, obnoxious drunk in the row above you, spilling his beer on you and calling you a bad word, you can call this number and have the security goons escort him out.

Lee, I heard about you. You're on notice.