Saturday, June 10, 2006

You looking for a rant? I got yer rant, right here.

WHO in the HELL invented grass? And why is it even LEGAL to plant it without first installing automatic sprinklers? I have spent all day repositioning this little sprinkler, and I'm not even DONE YET.

Over my years in the burbs, I have gone through so many lame sprinklers with names like TURBO on them, only to have them start dribbling like little old men with big old prostates within a week, that now I'm back to my original two-dollar plastic squirty ring that I bought when I couldn't afford the two bucks. It, of course, will never die because it has no moving parts and, more importantly, only irrigates one small, round patch of ground at a time.

Damn this grass. If I wasn't so concerned about what my neighbors thought, I would let it die. But I don't think I have the constitution for it. Watching the stuff go crispy and brown would be worse than spending my days pulling a hose around like a midget firefighter in ten-year-old Calvin Klein shorts.

1 comment:

Drew said...

Grass sucks, it is the spawn of the evil one, I say let it die a withering horrible brown death. Did I tell you that I spent the day in a freshly mowed grade school playground and now my eyes are burning holes through my skull...more on that later.

Now I don't know about the midget firefighter but the ten year old calvins...grrr Baby, very grrr.