Thursday, August 20, 2009

$3 Movie Review: Star Trek - The Other Movie

Here is a copy of my iPhone notes I made while watching Star Trek at the Mission Theater on Tuesday night. I deedled away on my iPhone as an attempt to let Drew enjoy the movie in peace. But sometimes I just blurted out my inane snark anyway. A Logorrhea of Lameness. (Me. Not the movie.)

  • That star ship is being eaten by a sea anemone!
  • I'm glad they kept the old, dopey space shuttle design.
  • Ooh, wrong answer! (this nameless dead-meat captain is about to get terminated for not knowing who Spock is.)
  • (Of buildings built like stalactites on the planet Vulcan:) I want an upside down building NOW.
  • (It seems Vulcan children go to school in giant glass muffin tins:) It's amazing vulcan children haven't developed skateboards.
  • Who is Spocks dad? (Turns out he's played by Ben Cross. Been in a million movies, but probably doesn't get followed by paparazzi).
  • Live long and prosper = fuck off (at least when Spock doesn't want to go to your hoity-toity Vulcan academy).
  • Legend-making time! (And here we meet James Tiberius Kirk, getting his ass kicked by four big dudes for mouthing off and continuing to mouth off after his mouth is pulpy with blood).
  • If they have jet Motorcycles in the future, you would thing they would have wet wipes (James Tiberius Kirk continues to discuss the pro and cons of schoolin' while covered in blood).
  • So that's what technology gets us? Invisible hubs and spokes on Motorcycles? (Underwhelming).
  • Facial tattoos equals badass (this is soooo movie shorthand these days - even in the future).
  • Did Chris Pine get cast because he has the Shatner nose? Oh, he's not bad as Kirk, but that nose. It's eerie.
  • There it is! NCC 1701! Ooh, nerd shiver.
  • Oh, no! Not the red matter!
  • Mano a Romulano (I believe at this point Kirk and Sulu are doing some hand-to-hand jujitsu on two Romulans whilst on a tiny platform suspended over Vulcan. Or something just as exciting.)
  • Time travel is a big cop out. (Well, it just is. You can remake a movie a hundred times with time travel. Think Terminator.)
  • Not convinced by New Spock. (It's true. His voice is way too high to be Spock. Nimoy has one of those booming voice-over voices.)
  • I'll be monitoring your frequency. (This is my new favorite way to say goodbye to my loved ones.)
  • Did the two Kirks have the same nose surgeon? (Really. That nose is just a little too wee.)
  • I hope Steven hawking isn't watching this. (I'm no physicist but this is effed up.)

In summary, I thought the movie was entertaining, as long as I could unload the ridiculousness building up in my brain every once in a while. Sorry.

1 comment:

DT said...

it was mostly entertaining for me because you watched the original TV show all the time, so i sat in the theater either nodding knowingly when they did something right or scoffing with all the other nerds when Spock said anything.