That's Tillamook Cows: One, The Man: Zip.

It just makes me feel like hugging myself with a goofy, satisfied grin on my face when the little guy takes it to The Man.

In this case, The Man was played (in a great casting choice) by mega-chem money mill Monsanto, already well-known for their anything-for-a-buck ways of selling designer seeds and agro-chems to farmers worldwide like thuggy drug dealers hooking farmers on the high-yield habit (ouch! so hate-y! and kind of early-Dennis-Miller-y! sorry. If you want more information, you can try a couple of these links: http://www.ethicalinvesting.com/monsanto/ or http://www.organicconsumers.org/monlink.html or http://www.mcspotlight.org/beyond/companies/monsanto.html or http://www.corporatewatch.org.uk/genetics/commercialisation/monsanto.htm ) Anyhoo, the folks at the Tillamook County Creamery Association (the folks who provide the Tillamook Cheese people with their main ingredient, cow juice) recently voted down the interests of Monsanto Co. by confirming their decision to ban the use of Monsanto's milk-boosting hormone cocktail by Association members.

Yay! Monsanto had trotted out their lawyers, who tried to pit the few farmers who had been hooked on the stuff against the majority of the farmers who came to realize that the price of the hormone shots, together with the cost of the higher incidence of sick Bessies, and the increasing skepticism of the public of Monsanto's claims that hormone juice is probably not harmful, was not worth it in the end.

The Oregonian ran a gorgeous close-up picture last Sunday of a group of girly cows obviously hamming it up for the camera (or flirting with the camera man). They were all wearing their little plastic ear tags with their number on them. That's how they keep track of who produces how much milk and who is slacking off - their numbers.

If I were a dairy farmer, I would also have cows with pierced ears. However, I would not use plastic tags with numbers on them. I would give them all names (why not? why would names be any more difficult to keep track of than numbers? I ask you). Then I would make them nice silver ear rings with their names elegantly but legibly engraved on them. Imagine how they would glint in the sun while they are out munching in the pasture...

I'm all for efficiency and expediency and all that, but one also needs beauty. The cows might like it better too. Maybe a cow with better self-esteem gives more milk - or just better milk. If any of you dairy farmers want to give my ideas a try, feel free. I consider this as a kind of public service.

You're welcome.