Friday, February 18, 2005

Dogs: Good, Good! Owners: Bad! Bad! Bzzzt!

One short note before I move on to what will probably be an unreadably foaming rant:

The directions on my frozen pizza say, "Do not eat pizza without cooking." Thank God for directions. Who knows what I might have done.

Now on to my rant, lucky readers.

My back still hurts, so I am a little more crabby than usual. Just like my usual approach to fitness, I try to do too much and then pay for it. Like today after work, I decided to take the dog to a nature trail a couple of miles from the house. When I'm not lazy or when the sun isn't setting, we walk down. If either of the former conditions apply, like tonight, I toss her into the back of my snazzy new SUV (yes, toss her - she's too prissy to jump) and drive down.

If you are smarter than me, you are thinking, "you toss her? I just read your last blog about your back injury. Isn't that bad for your back?" Unfortunately, I am not smarter than me and it didn't even cross my mind until I had 50 pounds of dog in the air. Then it did cross my mind.

No matter. She's in the car, I'm still in the Homo Sapiens upright position, it's all good. I drive down to the park trying to find a spot in the car seat that isn't trying to impress me with its superior lumbar support, because that's exactly where the big painful lump is. This makes it look to the casual observer like I have a case of hemorrhoids, compounded by an unmedicated case of Tourette's. No matter. It's a short drive.

We arrive in the bumpy parking lot (ow), and I reverse the dog-tossing-in exercise (because she's too prissy to jump out too), and now I'm starting to feel the effects of the dog tossing.

Well, the best thing for that is a little walk, so we take off down the path, while I try not to breath too deep or pull too hard on the leash to avoid back pain. Here comes the rant.

What is it about dog owners that makes them think that they are above the leash law? Is it because their dog is so much better than other dogs, and will obey their every command, even when confronted by yummy girl-dog smells, ducks on the pond, and squirrelly squirrels? Well, I've seen him, and he's not.

Is it because your dog feels more deeply than other dogs the heartbreak of the leash, as if the leash is the only thing keeping him from really experiencing life? Well, you're wrong. Dogs are quite happy on the leash, as long as their owners aren't having weird little guilt trips and conveying their anxiety to their dogs.

Is it that your dog needs more exercise than you can give him by walking, so you are forced to pedal your bike while your dog runs (sort 0f) beside you? Than get your fat ass off your fat-tired bike and learn to run. Or get a basset hound. Come on - if you can't take proper care of your dog's energy expenditure needs, why did you get him? Don't you think you should have thought of how much exercise he might need before you brought home that cute border collie/lab/retriever?

There are off-leash areas for dogs. Find one. They are the perfect place to let your dog experience "freedom." My park is for leashed dogs only. Says so on the sign. Do not ruin my fun just so you can have yours.

Why are you ruining my fun, you might ask? Because your "well-behaved" dogs keep mauling my law-abiding dog. One tried to hump her. Luckily, she's spayed. Most just go for "drive-by" tauntings. One big sloppy puppy tried to climb on top of her. That one almost got a neck full of teeth. My dog may be prissy, but she doesn't put up with uppity puppies. And what if she did bite another dog for invading her bodily territory? Would my dog be punished for biting an unleashed dog? Would I be sued? I don't want to find out. I want you numbskulls to keep your unruly dogs off my dog. I'm the one obeying the law. I shouldn't have to be chased out of my own park because of you clods.

Leash your dogs, or stay out of my park! Or face the wrath of my crabby comments. That's all I got. I think the park officials would probably frown on my stun-gun idea.

No comments: