Handy Tips for Cyclists

Things to avoid saying to your mom over the phone while at a race:

• Where's the nearest hospital from here?
• Hey, remember that tooth I just had fixed?
• Well, my bike's okay.

Things to avoid leaving in the toilet:

• suspicious-looking floating bits of shaving cream
• bandaids
• loogies that stick to the bowl that I have to remove, ahem, manually

If you live with someone who does your laundry even when she told you she wouldn't anymore:

• Take the bags of Goo out of your jersey pockets.
• Clothing with more holes than fabric become rags.
• For God's sake, turn your bike shorts chamois-side IN.

Congrats, Dean, on a third in the kilo and a fourth in the Olympic sprint (2005 U-23 Track Cycling Nationals) from your Number One Athletic Supporter.